“Most people intend to confess once they reach a comfort level with each other.”
You met this remarkable woman online and both of you seem to get along fabulously. A few messages later you are dying to meet each other. When you finally see her, your heart skips a beat. Not because of the excitement, but because you realize she is much older than her profile (and that beautiful online photo) says! What if she turns out to be much younger than she implied? In either case, you could be left wondering and feeling let down and lied to. How do you handle such situations?
Has She Lied About Her Age?
Looks can be deceptive! Do not jump to conclusions. In this time of online dating, it is a tough task to judge one’s age by just looks. On the other hand, some people may just look older or younger than their age. It may be in her genes or may have something to do with her work, stress, or her recent tan.
Of course, you were looking for someone in your own age group. But now that you know you get along so well, you really would not mind if she is a bit older or younger. However, you would want to find out as soon as possible. Obviously, you do not want to initiate a relationship with a nagging doubt.
Be wary of someone who appears much younger – you can definitely tell if someone is underage and you do not want yourself involved in that sort of a mess. If it is clear that this person is much too young to be responding to other singles online, ask her directly about her age, check her driver’s license if she allows it. If underage, stop all communication and move on.
How to Get Her to Spill the Beans
Be subtle. Do not bring up the issue at that very moment. Try saying it in a diplomatic way, to get her to disclose her age. “You seem to be really mature and wise for your age!”
Drop a hint to reveal you actually prefer older women. She may even dash for her driver’s license to prove she did not lie about her age. If that does not seem to work, switch over to a time-tested approach. Talk about your high school or your college days. Casually ask her which year she graduated or what grade was she in that particular year when her all-time favorite movie was released. She may be caught unaware and spill the beans!
How to React
A couple years shaved off her real age should not really be a cause for concern (as long as she doesn’t look like she belongs to the previous generation!) It is tempting for online daters to lie about their age to attract more responses. Most people intend to confess once they reach a comfort level with each other. It may have been a harmless act just to get that initial attention from you! Let her know that it bothers you and you wish she had been frank about it. You do not have a problem with dating someone older, but you are not comfortable in a relationship with someone who lies to you in the first place.
If you realize that it is a serious fib (i.e if she has been calling herself thirty-five for the past 20 years) it is time to call it quits. If someone can deceive you once, she can do so forever!
Watch Out for Cyber Cheaters!
To avoid such unpleasant encounters, get online-dating savvy. Do not judge a person solely by her online profile and photos. She may have posted a vintage picture of herself claiming it to be the most recent one. Get to know her more through messages and phone calls. Exchange a few more pictures of each other to get a fair idea about her age and looks. Watch out for inconsistencies in what she tells you. If she has been working for 20 years in her present job, she cannot be in her “early thirties” as she claims. Be sure to have everything cleared up before you meet her in person. If you have any doubts, spare yourself the heartache and ask directly over messages. It is easier to get an answer that way and the air will be clear when you see each other for the first time.
Adopt innovative dating practices to screen out potentially tricky dates. Be clear about your own age and other details and expect the same from others. It will ensure a comfortable and safe dating!
